Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Totally out of control

I can't stand it. I'm so out of control. Debt gets deeper. I have no sense of self control: tell myself no carbs... 20 minutes later I'm eating a box of donuts (which I neither need nor can afford); tell myself to exercise...I'm taking a nap. No spending.... yeah right.

Just a little willpower. Please. I'm stuck. In this messy house. In this body. In this debt. How can I lose the clutter, the weight, the debt? The guilt?

How absolutely ridiculous that I am sitting here wallowing in this self-manufactured problem. I get upset with people at work for working "around" problems. If someone isn't doing his/her job, a new person is hired to make up the difference. Instead of dealing with this head on. Moving the person to a job that's better suited OR moving them towards the door so someone who deserves the job can have it. Save money. Save time. Remove the dead weight.

I'm working around all of my own problems. Maybe a job that pays more? Nope. Haven't solved the problem. I'll just find ways to spend it over and over again. Maybe I should just be content with my body? Sounds like not having to work at it. Maybe I need a housekeeper? Hmm. Been there. Costs money. Frees up space to buy more shit. Really? How do I pare this down? Meal planning. Yes. Saves money and is healthier and requires organization. Leave cards at home unless absolutely necessary. Look for best days/places to buy gas. Fill a donation bag or garbage bag every single day. And why am I carrying this dead weight around my stomach and on my legs and face and hips?

I think I just realized something, but I can't share it yet. I have a lot to do.

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